I wanna passion pit in your ass
We got so high we made milksteak
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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