non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize