My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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