I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize