glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
