When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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