I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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