just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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