everyone is single if you try hard enough
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
