That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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