We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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