I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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