ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
