Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
