the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
