i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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