No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
