she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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