i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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