At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
