WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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