i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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