my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
