i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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