who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
