It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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