we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize