hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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