I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
