I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
