she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
