Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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