i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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