Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Two words: nipple clamps
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