Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
