so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
