I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize