I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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