If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
