Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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