So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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