I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
