I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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