Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
