My first STD was from a foam party
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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