I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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