THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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