id be glad to
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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