Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
