you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
