with your own penis?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
