dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
