Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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