I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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