Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
