nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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