I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
someone owes me an orgasm
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
