i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
