fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
