She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
