just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
