I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
