Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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