Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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